6 Steps for Receiving Feedback
“It wasn’t my fault.”
“You weren’t clear about what you wanted.”
“There wasn’t enough time.”
As a new manager, I thought my direct report’s defensiveness meant that I failed to create a safe space and give feedback well. Why wasn’t I getting buy in? I realized… How many of us have been taught, or even considered, how to receive feedback? What if a defensive reaction is the ONLY reaction my direct report knows how to have?
In fact, I hadn’t really spent much time thinking about what I could do to better receive feedback. Every manager wants to know how to give feedback. Only the best managers ask how to best receive feedback - so let’s start there.
Here’s what I know:
Receiving feedback is a skill: Receiving feedback does not come intuitively - it’s vulnerable and fraught with feelings. In managing, I’ve found it helpful to teach my teams how to accept feedback as part of our onboarding - and surprise! We can shift from an uncomfortable directive to a coaching conversation.
Receiving Feedback builds Trust: As a direct report, when you can see your manager receive and implement feedback, it builds trust that your manager is interested in developing herself and you, as her direct report.
Feedback Culture: Managers who are willing to receive feedback in front of the team, can quickly create a culture of feedback that pushes the entire team’s development.
So here’s my method:
Say Thank You: A quick thank you puts the feedback giver at ease. You can build trust that you will engage whole-heartedly.
Repeat the Feedback: Repeating your understanding of the feedback shows the giver that you are listening. If you are having a negative reaction to the feedback, it also gives you time to take a breath, process the feedback and calm down.
Share what you agree with: Build common ground. Focus your reflection on the work.
Ask questions: Seek to unpack the feedback and understand. Your brain literally can’t be curious AND upset at the same time! Also, your questions will build the feedback into a conversation.
Share what you don’t agree with or see differently: Share your perspective, and build a dialogue. Note that you’ve taken four affirming, relationship-building steps before you add your perspective!
Say Thank you: Keep the feedback coming.
What tips do you have for receiving feedback? I’d love to hear from you!
