Listening for Feedback
In an anonymous 360 review, a colleague wrote that I was “defensive” when receiving feedback. Whoa! I had just crafted and facilitated a session on the skill of receiving feedback, so this felt like a blow.
As I reflected, I couldn’t actually name any feedback I had received recently. Then it dawned on me. I didn’t realize that a colleague was trying to give me feedback - I thought we were debating ideas! Of course I sounded defensive - I wasn’t in listening mode, I was wrangling with the ideas and our options.
Here’s an fabricated example of the conversation.
My colleague’s words: “That could sound alarmist - do they really need to know about back end changes?” - I understood this as a question, and so I answered.
My colleague's intention: “My feedback for you is that your communication plans give stakeholders more information than they need, and impact is that it may cause unnecessary alarm.”
The truth is, as you become more senior, feedback doesn’t sound like feedback… here are some tips for making sure you are listening and receiving feedback as you mature in your career.
Ask your colleagues to use the word “feedback” with you… When I hear the word “feedback,” I listen with different ears. I register that my first goal is to understand, I switch on curiosity, and only then address action. I try to make sure my Direct Reports, colleagues, and managers know that I appreciate when they use the word “feedback.” In the case of my 360 review, I shared the quote with my entire team and requested that, if I sound defensive, they try to use the word “feedback” to help me listen differently.
Tune into your feedback radar… Sometimes it’s hard to tell if someone is giving feedback, changing their mind, or debating ideas. For example, given our long, productive relationship, my manager and I can be informal with each other, and I’m not sure which type of conversation we are having. I might notice a small shift in my body - my face gets flush, or I sense a tightness in my stomach. I’ll stop her to ask, “are you changing your mind? Or do you have feedback about the process I’m using? - either is fine, I just want to listen in the right way!”
How do you listen for feedback? Do you know your how your body reacts and are you able to incorporate that data into your conversations?
